I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
