I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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