So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
My boob is missing a layer of skin
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize
