I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
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