sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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