And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
