I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
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