She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Randomize
