why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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