apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
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