508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
