my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
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