you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Randomize
