Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I am naked and annoyed.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
