life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
