Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
