her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize
