i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Randomize
