how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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