you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
