I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
babies were throwing up all over the place
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
