Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
