So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
