Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Randomize
