It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize
