you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Randomize
