Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
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