walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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