Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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