we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
Swine flu. Run for my life!
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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