So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Randomize
