So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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