you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
