watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
