You can't motorboat a personality
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Randomize
