I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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