Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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