She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
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