Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
