You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
