I accidentally had phone sex last night
You work out of a Hotel?
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
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