She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
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