Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
