1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
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