i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
