I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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