I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
