You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
Randomize
