is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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