Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
