thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
