Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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