His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
