bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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