This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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