Yo dont text me then not text me
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
the day after is always just damage control
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
