from now on my penis is your penis
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
