OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I just want nice things and good sex
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
