He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I don't care. I'll be that guy that eats cake in a car. Alone. With the doors locked.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Randomize
