why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize