My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
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