the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Randomize
