what day is it and did you see me today?
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
