two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize