The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
