they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
