it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
