you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Randomize
